getting to know you

Most times people are more than aware of their own areas of weakness and vulnerability. If you are a born-gain believer in Jesus you may just (like me) agonize at times over your failings and the seeming impossibility of changing what appears to now be (in these later years!) a permanent part of our character.
Still, if we were to describe ourselves we would likely see the positive traits as more outstanding than those flaws that we just cannot seem to change. In fact we may not always agree with those less than positive traits spoken to or about us even if they smile when they say it. (If you are the only common denominator in comments like these then it's time to 'man or woman-up' and believe it!)
I have heard over the years the words abrupt, overly direct, too honest, stubborn and each time I hear it I am a bit amazed that that is what stands out and yet also very concerned. I do not want to grow old(er) being an "in your face" stubborn, undiplomatic old lady. Oh God please help me (again!).
On the other hand many more have told me that "someone has to be direct , honest and a tell -it- like- it- is kind of person in all that I am doing. Hmmm. Which is it Lord??

I really do love people and care about them... my time is another issue. A good friendship will endure long absences and even a brief phone-call suffices to let them know they are valuable to you.
In our type of work (pastor/missionary) we get to meet sooo many people and there is no way we can ever possibly know or even meet everyone. Yet everyone seems to remember us and thinks for sure we will know who they are.
 I cannot possibly have (nor do I want) a lot of close friends . I am content with a very few. But that's only what I want.
In meeting people at church or in any other setting where it may never be repeated (but who really knows??) I like to hear their story. People are usually quite happy to tell you a little or even a lot about themselves when they are far away from their home. I think there must be a certain safety in distance. As I have listened to the joys and sorrows of a virtual stranger I often feel a connection. Aren't we all in some way going through some of those same struggles? Is there some word of encouragement that might be given as a result of your own life experiences that would make a difference in their lives. More than once someone has said to me "remember 6 years ago (or 5 or even 1!) when you said to me...."And I think to myself "I said that??"It's then that  I know God is also using my words and my experience , the good the bad and the ugly for the furtherance of His kingdom. And just so I don't get too proud or full of myself I have this thorn in my flesh that it seems will NOT go away till I see Him face  to face. The one who said that your weakness may/can also be your strength did know what he was talking about.
When I was doing the psychology unit of my nursing training I was evaluated. "Rosalind gravitates to the patients who are less difficult and little investment of time and energy is required." I think there may well have been some fear too but her point was made.
Though I think I have made up for that evaluation over the years , I still would have (but for the prodding of God) the tendency to do (with people) what is easy for me and where I don't have to expend myself. Not good.
Somebody out there needs me to care about their story and when I remember to, I pray  "Lord lead me to the person YOU want me to speak to today and guide my heart, lips and words and may you be honoured this very day.

"The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary.

His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak,

and to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

www.bet-shalom-hmam.com

I just read a few posts I had written on Word Press which I wrote in 2006 0r 7 . Writing out what you are thinking is likely a good exercise now and then.. but the best thing is reading it years later .
We have now been in Mexico 9 years. Our daughter left years ago to finish high school and eventually to study nursing. She is in her third year of a BSCN . I tried to talk her out of it but she had "finally" made up her mind. Joel and Carrie now have two beautiful children which means we have two grandkids. They are the best hands down. Jeremy is the biggest surprise. Every year he left here with a heavy heart as he really did not want to go back to Canada . Last Easter he brought a girl home to us and told us he was getting married. She is a lovely Mexican gal who is now our daughter-in-law. I think Jeremy is still walking around in a daze. Someone outside his family really loves him. And she's smart and pretty too!!! He told me today he still does not understand why she loves him and what made her see through to the person he really is.. what I already knew, that he is kind, handsome and smart . He has become more loving to us since this event and more of a man his dad notices . If all the tears I have shed over this "man" were bottled I think there would be more than one.

So once again I see that my heart is what matters to God. Not the times I have messed up or failed to grasp some basic concept He is trying to teach me . He knows my heart and that I try am trying to serve Him in the only way I know how. I stand amazed that each of my kids is still following God... the one who I thought least likely to practice his faith is praying with his wife when she is troubled or worried and trying to be a good husband when he never ever thought he would be one. What an affirmation of the faithfulness of God. That nothing depends on my goodness or righteousness or getting it right.. it depends on His grace.

So let this be an encouragement to all you younger Christian moms and dads out there who are wondering whatever will become of your child who is such a challenge or your teen who is stretching the limits. If you have been faithful in your teaching and raising your sons or daughters then trust God for them (which by the way does not mean there won't be a number of mess-ups on both sides in the process) . Believe that God loves your child even more than you do and wants good for His children not evil . If He takes you through deep waters with your kids then still choose to trust in His promises . He is always good and nothing happens that He has not understood and known it in advance.
This I believe with my whole heart.

Dad

Why are we all surprised by death? It never fails to catch us unawares and yet as my Mexican friend Beli said today it is the one thing that every human being can be absolutely sure of.

My dad just died last Wednesday evening November 24th .I had seen him between the 24th of October and the 6th of November when I took some time to be with my folks. Since I live several thousand miles and two countries away the trip became a very special gift of memories.

Like so many people there was more than one side to my dad. The world was pretty much his friend and his funeral proved that. As my Uncle Paul said "your dad was some kind of rock star in this town... look at this crowd!!" Indeed he was "cousin" , the "uncle ", the father even , of many all over the county .

He loved to talk and you had to have a lot of time if you were going to do business with him. His day could have been much more prosperous financially if he was focused on money but he wasn't and he took more time with people than doing the actual job he came for. I confess that at times I just cringed thinking people were going to be impatient with him but since then I have heard a lot of stories of how people just enjoyed his stories.
I can remember many incidents where dad was not paid for his work and he would simply not go after the person to pay up.. though mom sometimes did to put bread on the table. The little he had in his pocket he would happily give away.

He was very smart in most areas of his life though he was physically less and less able to do the heavy work he had done all his life. At the same time, however, he was known to have placed trust where it was not merited.

There is no one who knew dad better than his kids. Its funny how some people think they know more about the person you lived with continually for years because of how they knew him. He was all the things that people knew him as but he was also more.

His moods , temperament , emotions and passions were often scary to us when we were children. As we grew older most of us just wanted dad to have peace with himself and with God. We could see it beginning to happen in the last three years of his life as he became so much softer and demonstrative towards mom and his own children . It was a very long time coming.

Was dad a wonderful man ? Yes he was in many respects to many people. Was he a person with weakness and sin and unresolved problems ? Yes he was that too .
Did I and do I love him ? Absolutely and unequivocally.. I couldn't do otherwise even when he was at his most unloving. Why ?? Because love covers a multitude of sin. He's the only earthly dad I will ever have.
As we said at his eulogy.. everything was crystal clear to dad after his death. He immediately understood what he had not about himself and others. We are absolutely certain that his message in that instant to all of us would be "give glory to God alone " love your family and care for others. Do not hold grudges or bitternesses against others rather be the first to say I'm sorry no matter who is at fault. Keep daily accounts with God and love Him with all your heart, soul and mind for tomorrow you too could meet the creator face to face.
Some may think it is too soon to be writing this while I am still dealing with my own grief but I feel there is no time like the present.
I love you Dad.

July 4th , 2010 is about to come to a close. Its my 60th birthday. Ron said to me tonight.."who ever would have thought we'd make it to 60?!" That's just the point. We did not even give it a thought because it was so far away that it was unreal. But reality has arrived and I truly see that in all that has happened in my life..the good, the bad, and the ugly... I am today truly blessed.

I got to bed somewhat later than my usual early to bed routine as we were at Victor Mejia Reyes wedding. That's a whole story by itself. We have shared a lot of time just chatting and sharing with him over the last 8 years.. since he was a teenager. Now he is a married man with a degree in theology plus Hebrew and Greek, a wife, and a new job as pastor of our sister church Koninea en Cristo. It was quite the Mexican evening but I will save it for another time.

We woke suddenly at 3 a.m. to the tune of our small dog Miss Piggy's sharp barking. She simply would not be quieted. After speaking to her several times Ron finally turned on some outdoor lights and we could hear a hiss and knew something was under the truck. Finally we let our big dog "bear" out of her location in the backyard to scare whatever was under the truck out of hiding. It was a rather large iguana. No sooner was the iguana spooked out of hiding than our dear gentle Piggy grabbed it and ran with it. I am sorry to say there was no rescue for that iguana. Even the very large lab "bear" could not get the prize from piglets jaws. Thus entered July 4th 2010. As a result I awoke late and moving slowly.

There were a few other events before church which were good reminders of the grace of God and how precious our children are but for the sake of privacy I will stop there. Lets just say there was some rejoicing in our yard this morning at 9 at what had NOT happened to one little 7 year old girl!

Off to church and I am so refreshed to have young people in our midst. A church almost entirely made up of seniors is always ready to have young people come and belong to the family!!
The hotel that we meet in made a surprise cake for me which we all went down to the restaurant and shared with juice and then even some red wine for the toast to the birthday girl. Did I mention that its me!! Home again home again and then the surprise come and go coffee and cake reception.

Unfortunately I was also the recipient of a group email invitation by my unknowing dear husband and so the surprise element was shot! So from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. we had quite a few folk from my life here coming to give their greetings and best wishes. Ron said he would have to invite the town if he was going to get to all the people who might come!! Not quite true but the sentiment is well taken!! At 7 :20 p.m. we finally had to say we were going out to the last few young lingerers and we headed out for one last hurrah for dinner.

At Escolleras ( unbelievable view!) we started with escargot and then had lobster bisque after which I had Dorado empapelado and stuffed with cheeses and shrimp. They sang to me and brought me cake but half way through my meal I was done eating. I told Ron that one thing about growing up is knowing when you have reached your limit and realizing you do not have to clean your plate!!

So we came home with a doggy bag. Lots of phone calls from dear friends all over the map and two out of three children (not bad!!). I really felt cherished.

How do I feel?? Well the number 60 really turns me off quite frankly but when I think about it its simply another epoch in my life. I can do well or not. I choose to do well. Continuing in service to the Lord Jesus Christ for as long as He gives me breath.

I start an exercise program tomorrow. Really!!

What good news??

Ok it's Saturday May 15th and it is bloomin' hot here in Zihuatanejo!! And apart from that it seems it is also the time of year when the people start burning off the grass etc in the surrounding hills and the air is thick with smoke!!
It's been a weird week in some ways. I do not function well in the extreme heat so at 5 o"clock at night today I went to the hospital to see a couple of people that I had not been able to talk to on Friday.. The major part of the heat of the day is finished but the smoke is really getting started once again having settled a bit since last night.
One patient is 16 and had just had a caesarian.She now has a baby girl. She is alone except that she has a very supportive 19 year old sister.Not sure how she will manage since she has no job and will depend on her sister to support her . The father of the baby is not in the picture at all and does not know he just had a baby girl.. I brought her one of the famous Youngstown Ladies baby quilts and some shampoo and soap for mama but it may well be the last time I see her. I have one chance to share with the girls what is important and that God has a plan even in this.

The second patient is a young 20 year old man who had to have surgery and is a diabetic and also on dialysis.One of his recent admissions was an attempted suicide. For the second time in two days ... he was sound asleep... he didn't even flinch when the nurse injected him. His mom is there day and night as is the custom here and looks tired and discouraged. So I chatted with her and tried to encourage her even though things look dismal. Perhaps she is the one who I will get to know and share God's love with.
Then, since I had the car out, I went to visit my friend in the centro who has had huge problems in the last year since the sudden death of her husband. She is a Christian. Having already walked with her through many of the issues and her fears and worries..today was very weird. It was like something was very off in her personality. So I told her that I thought something was amiss. She tried to say it wasn't the case but I know her. Then I told her about how some people think I am too direct (no comments please!!) and I really have worked on being more gentle but now that I am in the third age (a term used for all of us over 55 here in Mexico) I have recognized that there is no 4th age!! So I know time is at a premium. We get the days allotted to us and God already know how many that is.. so I am afraid I will become even more direct with those I care about and even with those who I may meet only once if God so directs. I hope I will be gentle but truthful for the time is short and our days are but a breath. Ask anyone over 60 and they will assure you that time has flown, and that it was like yesterday that they were a teenager.
What's my point?I refuse to beat around the bush if I love you but even if God puts you in my path as a virtual stranger I already know what my responsibility is because God loves you way more than I ever could and thats the good news you need to hear!!.

Outsmarting the Enemy!!

It started with just a very few. Within two weeks it blocked their ears and then within a very short time affected their whole organism. The approved approach to the problem did not seem to make a dent in the issue and the next thing we knew the dastardly stuff had entered our domicile and was affecting our lives.We keep switching tactics trying to outsmart our enemy but so far it is more like a standoff than a battle won. We have not yet found the answer!
Sheesh. It sounds like any sort of temptation or vice we might be trying to avoid but I am talking about TICKS!!! The tiny critters stay underground till you have animals...(we have 2 dogs now) and then they come out with a vengeance in the heat. They latch on to the poor beasts with tenacity and although you might think you are winning the battle they keep reproducing. I need some nematodes that love ticks!! We will keep up the battle till we have won and in the meantime any tick that dares enter the premises and is seen will meet their end at the fateful bbq lighter torching of enemy ticks!!
In the last month I have been trying to teach English to some doctors working at the hospital. I do my best for them and since they all have a certain amount of the basics it makes it somewhat easier on me. I do not have the approved courses but for some reason they want me to do this. Since I really have no one to answer to or hand my lesson plan in to I can really have fun with it. Much to my surprise in this "Roman Catholic" country very few of the docs really had a very good grasp on the true meaning of the Easter celebration. So we did some study and teaching on it. I included music. We learned words like debt and grave and praise. Then my lovely suited up doctors all sang with me "Lord I lift your Name on High" with the actions!!! As I watched them and sang with them it was very hard to keep a big grin off my face as I gave thanks for this opportunity to go beyond the ESL programs and be an ambassador while teaching. What a privilege. Having said that I would still be thrilled to find some kind of text that would give me and my students a bit more order to the learning!!
My nephews and nieces and my kids will not be surprised at my teaching tactics .. they think I am "special" What's with that??
Easter has come and gone and we will mark 8 years in Mexico soon. In that time so much has transpired in our lives and in the lives of friends back in Youngstown. This past week the Lord took home a man who was very precious to us who had just celebrated his 90th birthday. It is the way it is ... each of us has his alotted days.
May we all be ready and looking forward to that day when we will see Him face to face just as Jim Proudfoot is seeing Him now!.

Keeping step with the Spirit

It is 6:44 a.m. I should be asleep as I am still very tired and need the rest. But the brain will simply not shut off and my body is aching.
Some days and weeks are just harder than others and even getting older does not provide a cure for this.
I had an extremely busy two weeks just passed. It didn't really need to be that way as I look back but it did not totally depend on me. Somehow I thought if I just worked harder and filled in the gaps where others had dropped the ball, all would be well. It does not really work that way. Someday I will learn that I cannot do the work of 4 or five people.
I recently gave a ministry workshop. One of the things that was this..... if I am doing this for Him..really..then I need to make sure He is always at the centre of it. It is sooo easy to lose sight of this critical principle. When our joy is gone in serving, it is likely not He who left the premises.

When we are disappointed or discouraged by events or the attitude and lack of effort on the part of others, how DO we deal with it in a Christ like manner. He did after all know how things would unfold. He knew our hopes and dreams and expectations. But for His reasons He still allows "stuff" to happen and people to let us down .
First of all I need to examine my heart
What is the real reason I am feeling let down. Pride? The esteem of others? A desire to not let people down?
None of these sound like I am determined not to let the Lord down or bring His Name into disrepute. None of it sounds like I want people to know Him and the power of His resurrection. In fact I think it sounds a lot like its all about me. Ouch!!
I am not saying that we can't learn from every thing we do. We need to or we don't grow.
Nor am I saying we can't put forth an extra effort even though it is "not our job"..the idea of saying that I have done my part and now it's over is not Jesus attitude. We give it our all..for Him. God is perfectly capable of dealing with wrong attitudes in others as they are willing to learn... we are not the Holy Spirit in someone else's life. (I am speaking loudly to myself here!!)
I truly believe that if our heart is right in all that we do.(Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,) we won't fall as often into the trap of discouragement or a critical attitude.
I keep telling people where the answers to to our dilemmas are found and then I forget to access those same resources myself..here it is
Galatians:
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Oh yeah I am very sore because in my focusing on the urgent (as opposed to the important!!) I missed a single step on our first floor inside my house and went down hard on my right hip . At my age you always pay for any misstep and the double meaning is fully intended!!!

I would love to hear about your own learning curves.. they are lessons for us all!!